shouldn’t be throwing all this negativity into the world

I often hate how depressed I sound
when the words I write play out
I often hate how I’ve found
it easier to to search and shout
than take off my shoes and smile

I hate how I might remember these years
incorrectly, influenced by my words
as filled with emptiness and unshed tears
lost and unhappy without birds
nesting or waking me each morning

sometimes I even hate my happiness
for being boring, uninspiring
before I feel like a bitch complaining,
everything is perfect, nothing tiring,
everything is perfect.