I thought I was done with this,

with the sun was supposed to come relief,

I was allowed to live until next winter.

I keep fighting off the words telling me it’s me,

my fault,

I’m weaker than I thought.

I’ve been watching myself go through motions,

each day more sincere,

today I caught the most fake of smiles when I thought it was real.

I refuse to lose myself,

I will find a smile with no guilt, no lies or fear.